


till the last of us is in a grave

by kimchaewon



Series: to you [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Polyamory, hanging tw, im so sorry, model millenium line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 16:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12113004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimchaewon/pseuds/kimchaewon
Summary: we will love youlosing him, to watch the person that means the most bring himself to the grave, was a deep, painful, stinging blow.





	till the last of us is in a grave

 “mm, renjunnie,” jeno whispered. “i’m sorry i haven't visited recently, i've been busy with work.” he wiped away a tear. “i know you'd be so proud of me. i finally made it onto the cover of vogue.”

 “amazing, huh? i never thought i’d make it this far without you and your support,” he let out a shaky laugh. “we miss you, y’know that? you would’ve looked so amazing, gracing the covers of magazines everywhere.” he let the tears fall freely. 

 “oh my god,” he sobbed, “oh my god, we need you-- i need you. why the hell did you have to leave so early?!?” 

~~

 everyone thought of renjun as a strong person. he seemed like it. a good leader. on the inside, though, he thought he was weak. emotional, sensitive, they equated to weak in his mind. it didn’t match his reputation. 

 he always looked down on himself, negatively comparing himself to others. “i’m stupid,” or “i’m ugly” were common thoughts. he thought he didn’t deserve what he had. “why does anyone love me,” “i’m not good enough,” or “i don’t deserve happiness.”

 to others he was strong, a leader, likeable. to himself he was stupid, weak, unloveable. and to jeno, to donghyuk, to jaemin, he was perfectly imperfect, the best, their everything.

 losing him, to watch the person that means the most bring himself to the grave, was a deep, painful, stinging blow.

~~

 donghyuk didn’t visit renjun’s grave often. he knew he’d have a huge breakdown, having jeno or jaemin at his side to try and calm him down.

 jeno had said he was going to visit renjun. an hour later, he hasn’t come back. donghyuk went to drag him back home.

 now that he was there, at the cemetery, walked over to a sobbing, broken jeno. jeno had loved renjun so so much, he gave renjun his heart. he would’ve done anything for renjun, would’ve given up everything for the chinese boy.

 kneeling beside jeno, he leaned over, to kiss jeno on the temple, to attempt to reassure jeno that everything was okay. even if nothing was okay. 

~~

 it had been two years since renjun’s death. two years since he was found hanging in his closet. two years and the pain was lingering, refusing to let go of their hearts. 

 renjun had meant everything. even to chenle, to jisung. chenle couldn’t handle the idea of renjun, his best friend, being gone. jisung cared about renjun lots, too.

~~

 jaemin never went to renjun’s grave. he couldn’t bring himself to go. he knew the lingering pain would intensify. but donghyuk dragged him along to help comfort jeno.

 jaemin kneeled on the other side of the sobbing boy, and started to rub his back. started to whisper words of reassurance. by then, donghyuk had started to cry, too. jaemin tried to hold himself together, he really did. 

 he ultimately failed. he was sobbing alongside the elder two. the three of them were sobbing, weeping together. jeno had his face buried in his face. donghyuk did nothing to try and stifle his sobs, hide his tears. jaemin was wiping his tears away, silently weeping. 

~~

 all 5 of them were extremely devastated. chenle had a massive breakdown, jisung curled up in a corner and sobbed until he fell asleep. donghyuk and jaemin were hugging each other, crying into the other’s shoulder. jeno just sat there, shocked. 

 they didn’t know how to feel, forgot how to feel. it was all a physical reaction. it didn’t seem real, seemed like a dream. the reality of the situation settled in a few days later, causing mental pain. 

~~

j eno remembered when he first met renjun. he remembered the soft smile and laugh when jeno had turned around after renjun had thrown a paper plane at him. 

 donghyuk had accidentally punched renjun at lunch that one time, renjun just laughed it off (it was the best sound in the world) whilst donghyuk had panicked internally (he didn't wanna look stupid by crying in front of such a sweet, pretty boy). 

 jaemin, who was the clumsiest out of the trio, had face planted right in front of renjun. renjun had helped him up, walk him to the nurse’s office, and sat with him for the rest of the day.   
  



End file.
